Rivalry between children is not uncommon in families. And the reason is always the same - the struggle for parental attention.
Sometimes older children are jealous of younger children. After all, parents spend more time with the little ones.
And sometimes children with minimal age differences start to compete with each other. Especially if one child learns better or behaves more obediently.
Such conflicts can escalate into serious arguments between children and even fights.
Only parents can mitigate conflicts and even get rid of competition between children. But how to do it?
Relationships between children
Imagine that there is already one child in the family. And the parents have another baby. Parents are always fussing with him, not sleeping at night. The mother is very tired and she simply has no energy left to pay attention to the first child.
The eldest feels neglected and unwanted. He thinks he has been replaced by another child.
And parents reinforce that feeling with phrases:
- «Well, you're an adult, you understand.»
- «Do it yourself, I'm busy with the baby.»
- «You're a big boy, the baby needs these toys more.»
Bottom line: low self-esteem and constant unsuccessful attempts to get attention and recognition.
Such children in adolescence often start to bully a lot and socialize with not the best companies. That's where they feel needed.
This leads to more conflicts and reproaches from the parents. And against this background, the younger child, who is in love with him, looks like an angel and the gulf between the children becomes even greater.
Children with a small age difference can also compete for their parents' attention. As soon as one child lags behind the other, parents start comparing them.
And the bigger the comparison, the more kids want to be different from each other. Sometimes for the good. But sometimes in a bad way.
How do you teach children to be friends?
Friendships between children depend almost entirely on of competent parental behavior.
The key is to never compare children to each other or set one child as an example to another.
All children are different. They each have their own weaknesses and strengths. Children should not be the same and get the same achievements.
One child may have a talent for math, while another will be successful in creative writing, and have consistent C's in the exact sciences.
Focus on achievements, not failures. And develop each child's strengths individually.
If a second child is born in the family - by no means think that at that moment the older child automatically became an adult. This is not the case.
Even in our 30s and 40s, we need our parents. Let's not talk about childhood and transition.
Talk to your child and explain to them that there will be more of you now, but that doesn't mean you will love them less.
Involve the older child in caring for the younger child. Make him feel like he's helping you. And at the same time, he gets to know the new member of the family. This will also help with empathy for the rest of your life. But it's important not to overdo it.
A child should not take on household chores that are beyond his or her age.
As hard as it is to make time, it is essential that at least a few times a week it is just the two of you and your older child. So that nothing and no one else exists. That way, he'll feel like you need him. That you haven't replaced him with the baby. And that will help avoid jealousy in the family.
Spending time as a family is also important. The older one must get used to the younger one. And, if their relationship is properly directed from the beginning, he will seek to care for and protect the baby himself.
To avoid competition, you need to remember the cardinal rules:
- Treat each child as an individual person
- Never compare children
- Give the same amount of time and attention to each child
By following these rules, your children will be friends no matter what age difference they have.
