Names and identifying details of every student here are changed, as they are everywhere on the blog.
Tamara has two kids and two different problems. The daughter has an iPhone, the son has an Android, and she has been putting off the setup since June because she assumed it would eat a Saturday.
Fifteen minutes per child is closer to the truth, and most of that is waiting for things to update. We did hers while her hands were under the lamp, with my phone open to the instructions and hers doing the work.
Before you touch anything
Three decisions come first. The setup will ask for all of them, and stalling halfway through is what turns 15 minutes into an hour.
Who the adult in charge is, since the controls live on that person’s phone. What the passcode will be, and it cannot be the one that unlocks your own phone, because a child who watches you type it once owns the whole system. And write that passcode somewhere that is not the phone. Tamara wrote hers on the back of an appointment card from my salon, which is the least likely thing in her house to be thrown out.
Then plug both phones in and let them update. Apple’s new parental controls need the current system on every device in the family group, and a half-updated family is where most of the complaints come from. If the house cannot update everything, the older version of Screen Time still works, and so does setting it up on the child’s device.
iPhone, step by step
Family Sharing comes first, not the child’s phone. From your own phone it is Settings, then your name, then Family, and you build the group there if the family does not have one yet. The child needs an Apple Account of her own, never a shared one. Then, still on your phone, open Settings, tap Family, and tap the child’s name. Everything for her sits inside that one screen, and that is the part people miss, because they go looking for it on the child’s device. Inside, four things are worth doing in the first sitting. Schedules, which is time away from the screen on the days you choose. Time limits for the categories that matter, set as allowances rather than as a single number for everything. Content and privacy restrictions, which were already set by age when the account was created and can be adjusted. And communication limits, which decide who can reach her during screen time and who can reach her always.The Screen Time passcode goes in on the parent’s device, not on the child’s. Set it on her phone and you have handed her the keys.
Last, Ask to Buy, which lives under Apps & Websites inside the child’s profile, and which turns every download into a request that lands on your phone.Android, step by step
Different app, same 15 minutes. Google’s Family Link is free, it goes on your phone, and it either makes an account for a child under 13 or puts supervision on the account she already uses.
Check the device first. Supervision works on Android 6.0 and newer, and on a Chromebook running Chrome OS 71 or newer, while the parent side runs on Android, on an iPhone or iPad with iOS 16 or newer, or on a Chromebook that supports Android apps.
Inside the app, the same four moves. Screen time limits by the day. A bedtime, which is the setting that changes most often in a house. App approvals, so new installs come to you. And purchase approvals, which cover purchases made through Google Play and nothing else, so a gift card spent somewhere else is outside this system.
One thing that surprises families every year. A school-issued Google account cannot be supervised with Family Link, so the Chromebook from the district is a separate conversation with the school.
Same tasks on both phones
| What you want | iPhone | Android |
|---|---|---|
| Create the setup | Family Sharing, child’s own Apple Account | Family Link app, child’s Google account |
| Where you work from | Your phone, Settings and Family | Your phone, inside Family Link |
| Daily limits | Time allowances by app category | Daily screen time limits |
| Quiet hours | Schedules | Bedtime |
| New apps | Ask to Buy | App approvals |
| Purchases | Ask to Buy | Google Play purchases only |
Where this stops working
This does not read messages, and it is not meant to. It does not block everything, because no filter does. And it does not survive a child who is determined and has a friend with an unsupervised phone, which happens at exactly the age you would expect.
Its real job is removing the nightly argument about when the phone goes off, because the phone decides, and nobody at the table has to be the one who says no at 9 p.m.
Four mistakes I keep seeing
Setting the passcode on the child’s device. Using the same passcode as the phone unlock. Updating one phone and not the others, which breaks the syncing and produces a week of confusion. And doing all of it secretly, which is the one that costs the most, because a child who finds out by accident learns the wrong lesson about the whole thing.
Both kids were told what she was doing while she was doing it. One rolled her eyes. The son asked whether he could have a later bedtime on Fridays, which they negotiated on the spot, and that negotiation is worth more than any setting in either app.
How it went
Twelve minutes for the iPhone, including the update. Eighteen for the Android, because the son had forgotten his Google password and we had to reset it, which is its own small comedy. Two weeks later the only thing she had changed was the Friday bedtime, which she moved an hour later and calls the best deal she ever made.Courses at Palme School
Russian for bilingual children
When a kid understands Russian and answers in English
School of reading
Reading and writing for kids who already speak Russian
Free materials
Things to print and do at the kitchen table
Frequently asked questions
On yours. Apple’s parental controls are managed from the family organizer’s or parent’s device through Family Sharing, and Google’s are managed from the parent’s phone in the Family Link app. On the Apple side, the Screen Time passcode should also be set on the parent’s device.
A family group and a separate account for the child on each platform, a passcode that is different from your phone’s unlock code, and somewhere outside the phone to write it down. Updating every device to the current system is what the new Apple controls need; without it there is still the older version of Screen Time.
A child’s device running Android 6.0 or newer, or a Chromebook on Chrome OS 71 or newer, and a parent device running Android, an iPhone or iPad with iOS 16 or newer, or a Chromebook that supports Android apps.
No. Google accounts issued by a school through Google Workspace for Education cannot be managed with Family Link, so school devices and accounts are a separate conversation with the district.
On Android, approvals apply to purchases made through Google Play’s billing system, so money spent outside it is not covered. On Apple devices, Ask to Buy applies to downloads and purchases made with the child’s Apple Account.
Palme School: Russian for bilingual children · School of reading · Free materials for families
Monica Perez is from Rosario, Argentina. These days she does nails in Los Angeles, and her regulars are mostly Russian-speaking, which is how these stories reach her before they reach anyone else.
