My friend’s car broke. The very same one he always carried with him everywhere. The child knows what to say in English, and doesn’t even think about it. I’m so sorry your toy car broke.
In Russian, there is no ready-made phrase at hand. There are three words that come to mind first: «Sorry,» «I'm sorry,» and «I feel sorry for you.».
All three translate the English word sorry. Only one of them is not suitable here.
Where does the confusion begin?
English I’m sorry works for two people. They are asked for forgiveness, and they are also shown empathy.
In Russian, these two works are divided. «Excuse me» has other meanings; people use it to ask for permission and to preface a request, but it doesn't convey the same feeling of sympathy as these other words. Sympathy is derived from other words.
In dictionaries, I’m sorry is usually translated as «Sorry» and «sorry». For a broken stranger's car, this translation is not suitable.
«Sorry that your car broke down» might sound as if the child is taking the blame. The friend might respond accordingly.
«It wasn't you who broke it.».
There are no grammatical errors here. The word got into the wrong context.
It’s easy to remember in a nutshell. If I broke something, I say «sorry.» If it broke on someone else’s watch without my involvement, words of regret are needed.
What a friend hears when they are told «I feel sorry for you»
There is a second meaning of the word «sorry» in childhood life.
Think of any sandbox.
«Let me ride.».
«I feel sorry for him.».
Here, «I feel sorry for you» means «I won’t let you do it.» Hence the famous children’s question «Do you feel sorry for me?» It is asked of those who don’t want to share.
When you see a broken machine, the conversation is different; the other person will most likely understand correctly. Still, a short «I’m sorry» without any follow-up sounds rushed and incomplete.
The continuation of the sentence makes it clearer. It’s worth adding what exactly is to be regretted.
«It's a shame that it broke.
«Too bad about the machine.».
«How pitiful!»
Can I say «I'm sorry»?»
It is possible. «Too bad» and «pity» mean almost the same thing.
Some explanatory dictionaries note that the colloquial nuance of «sorry» is present. «Sorry» applies to any speech, both oral and written.
For a child, there is a simple thing to be said about this. Both words are appropriate.
«What a pity!»
«I'm sorry that the machine broke.».
«It's a shame that it broke.
All three lines are appropriate both in speech and in writing, at the age of six and at the age of sixteen.
You don't have to choose between them by following a rule. Let the child choose the word they hear most often at home.
Who to pity, a toy or a friend
There is another option, and it already concerns relationships.
«I feel sorry for you,» they say with sincere sympathy. In a different intonation, this phrase can also convey condescension; much depends on the situation.
It's easier to start with the very thing.
«It's a pity the machine. It was the fastest one.».
The second phrase is more important than the first. It shows that the child knew this machine and understood what it was good for. These words are directed at this friend and this toy; you can no longer say the same thing to another person.
Before prompting the child with words, ask them about something simple. What was the best part of this toy? The answer will be the second half of the prompt.
One could also say that there is a sense of friendship without the word «pity» at all.
«It's embarrassing.».
«Are you upset?»
«In Russian children's speech, »obidiya" often does the same thing as the English word "what a bummer.".
When «pity» and «not pity» meet in one line
After the words of sympathy, there is usually a pause. Everything is said correctly, but the machine is still broken.
The children fill the gap with action. They suggest seeing if it can be repaired. Or they extend their toy.
And then the word returns, only this time with the particle «not».
«It's a shame about your car. You want it, take mine; I don't mind.».
In one line, there are both meanings. The first is «it's a pity» about sympathy. The second is about the willingness to share.
It is not necessary to explain this to the child. You can simply say both sentences together when the opportunity arises.
What a friend will hear
Six short situations and three responses to each one. The child presses the response and reads it so that the interlocutor can understand it. You can press all three at the same time; there are no points or timers. In some situations, not just one response is appropriate; that happens in real life as well. The appropriate response should be spoken out loud.
The simulator shows how the replica is usually understood; it does not provide evaluations. You can analyze your own life experiences in the same way, out loud and without a screen.
How these words get into speech
You can practice empathy exercises at home, with minor incidents. A cup broke. A page in a book tore. A tea strainer got lost.
If an adult says out loud at such a moment, «It's a pity, that was my favorite cup,» the child gets the ready-made form. The word, the order of words, and the intonation are immediately clear.
Another way is through books. When a character has something broken or lost, stop and ask what the child would say. Accept any answer, including the English one. Then say your version in Russian and continue reading.
There is no need to fix things in the moment of genuine compassion. A child who said «sorry» to a friend instead of «sorry» has already done the most important thing. He went over and spoke to them. The exact words can be spoken later, without witnesses.
Replies like «it’s a pity the machine» come from real-life conversations. At the Russian for Bilinguals course at Palme School, children aged four to seventeen engage in online group lessons of up to eight people. In class, the child hears the teacher’s and their peers« Russian speech.
The course can be tried out for free at two free lessons. They will help you get to know the teacher and understand whether the format is suitable for the child.
Sign up for free lessonsFrequently asked questions about the words «sorry» and «regret»
What is the difference between «I'm sorry» and «I feel sorry for you»?
These words mean almost the same thing. In «sorry,» some dictionaries note a conversational tone. Both of these phrases are appropriate in conversation and in writing.
How do you say I’m sorry in Russian if you need to show sympathy?
The words «I'm sorry» and «I'm sorry» are appropriate for sympathy; «sorry» and «sorry» are also used when asking for forgiveness for one's own actions.
What does «I feel sorry for him» mean when a child is asked to share a toy?
In response to the request to give a toy, «I feel sorry for you» means «I won’t give it to you.» «I don’t feel sorry for you» means that the child is ready to share.
Is it necessary to correct a child if they say «sorry» to a friend instead of «sorry»?
At this moment, there is no need to do so. The child approached a friend and spoke to him. The appropriate word can be mentioned later, in private.
General advice for parents is collected in the article. «How to instill a sense of empathy in a child».
