Names and identifying details of every student here are changed, as they are everywhere on the blog.
English carries politeness in words you can add. Please, thanks, just, maybe, sorry to bother you. They bolt on without changing anything inside the sentence, which is why an English speaker learns politeness as a list and why that habit is the first thing to break.
Your politeness does not survive the trip
Russian mostly does it within the grammar. What matters most is not among the words you can add, and a phrasebook cannot show you a choice you have to make in the verb.
So the message arrives correctly but socially it’s wrong, and nobody tells you.

A correct sentence in the wrong register is not a minor error. It is a different message.
What actually goes wrong in writing
Three things go wrong, and none appears in a vocabulary list. Start with the imperative. English softens instructions with padding: Could you possibly..., when you get a chance. Russian softens them by changing the verb form, so translating the padding produces something servile or impatient depending on how much of it you used.That same student built a nine-word request out of four separate softeners, each of them correct and each taken from a different page of the same phrasebook. She read it aloud in a lesson and stopped halfway through on her own.
The padding you would add in English is the thing that makes you sound wrong.
Next comes aspect, which quietly announces whether you consider a thing finished. Two forms of one verb separate having reviewed a document from having spent time looking at it, and colleagues read the difference even when you did not intend one. She also once wrote that she had been looking at a contract. Her manager read that as still looking, waited two days and asked again, and she had in fact finished it on the Tuesday. Neither of them knew where the misunderstanding had come from until she showed me the thread. Then comes the You and you The boundary, which in a distributed team moves faster than anyone explains it, never at a moment anyone announces, and usually while you are looking at something else. One American engineer held the formal address for eleven months with a team that had switched after the second week. Nobody corrected him. He figured out what had happened when someone forwarded him an old thread and he saw the change on a date he could point to. In what I have seen, it shifts after a call rather than after a message, which learners discover by switching to You First, the harder direction to take back.The six that carry most of the traffic
I went through a year of my own work messages before writing this, which is a smaller sample than it sounds and the only one I have.| Situation | What to write | Why this one |
|---|---|---|
| Asking for something | Could you please look? | Literally could you not take a look. The conditional conveys politeness, so no padding is needed. |
| Pursuing a reply | I remind you of my question | Literally I am reminding you about my question. Stating the fact, without apology or pressure |
| Declining | Unfortunately, it won't work | Literally unfortunately it will not work out. A complete refusal that still reads as considerate |
| Buying time | I'll get back to this by the end of the day | Literally I will come back to this before the end of the day. Naming the deadline is the actual courtesy |
| Disagreeing | I think there's something else going on here. | Literally it seems to me this is a different thing. Softens the claim, not the position |
| Ending a thread | Thanks, I'll figure it out later | Literally thank you, I will sort out the rest. Closes the thread without leaving anyone waiting |
I didn't see it from my own side either
For years I wrote to parents in Russian the way I write to anyone. Briefly, the point in the first line, no preamble, and it never occurred to me that this was a choice. Then a mother replied to two of my lines with four paragraphs, and the length was not the interesting part of it. The interesting part was that she had answered a question I had not asked, about whether her daughter was doing poorly.
Nothing in my message said that. Nothing said anything else either, and into the empty space she put the worst reading on offer, and that is what an empty space is for.A short message is not neutral. It is a blank that the reader fills in.
These days I write to parents differently, at a cost of roughly fifteen seconds a message, which is the cheapest fix anywhere in this article.The call is in a different language again
Meetings run faster than your comprehension, and everybody knows it except the person who’s in one and still hoping to catch up by concentrating harder.
What you need there isn’t vocabulary. Three sentences buy you time without conceding anything, and they are the same three every time: repeat that, slow down, and I’ll follow up in writing. One student kept all three on a sticky note at the edge of his monitor for most of a year. He told me about it apologetically, the way people confess to a crutch. Then he said the middle sentence was the only one he had ever needed. A phrase assembled under pressure never gets used.In a meeting, fluency is the ability to interrupt yourself gracefully.
What happened to the woman who wrote like a form
We went through eleven of her messages in one lesson, printed out and laid in order across the table, which is not how I normally teach anything.
By the fourth message the pattern lay on the table in front of both of us, and I did not have to point at it. She had been translating her English politeness one word at a time. Would it be possible, whenever you have a moment, Sorry for bothering you. In Russian, each of those lands attached a small formal apology to an ordinary request. Eleven of them in a week, all to the same four colleagues. Together they describe someone very junior, or someone quietly miserable and hoping nobody minds. I thought I was being nice, she said. She had been. The register simply carried a meaning she had not chosen. Six weeks later, she told me a colleague had asked whether something had changed on her end. Nothing had, except that she had stopped apologizing for asking people to do their jobs.No one corrects your record. They just quietly adjust their image of you.
It works identically in the other direction. Your Russian colleagues won’t tell you either. They’ll decide you’re cold or oddly deferential, and neither is a thing anyone says out loud. At Palme School we teach online, in groups of up to eight, two forty-minute classes a week, and the first two lessons are free. You can book those here, and there are printable materials for learners in our resource library.Frequently asked questions
Fewer than you think, and the useful ones buy time rather than convey content: a request to repeat, a request to slow down, and a promise to follow up in writing.
If you are translating English politeness word for word, probably too formal and slightly odd with it. Russian softens inside the grammar, so English padding is what makes it sound wrong.
From what I have seen, after a call rather than a message, and when the other person does it first. Staying formal for too long is recoverable. Switching early is not.
Only if you want to know what is being decided in the messages that are not in English, which on a distributed team is more of them than anybody admits.
Palme School: Russian for bilingual children · Conversation school · Free materials
Lily Rozberg has been teaching for sixteen years, first English in Russia and now Russian to bilingual children across the US and Canada. She writes for Palme School about heritage language, reading, and the things report cards do not measure.






