Much has been said about the harm of the "stick": all thinking parents understand that a child should never be beaten, humiliated, scolded, evaluating him/her, not his/her actions or results. But what to do if the "carrots" (praise and excellent grades) lead to problems?
Praise is always nice. Once the child gets used to receiving it, he loses interest in the activity itself. He no longer wants his room to be in order. He just waits for the approval of adults. The child is not interested in the school subject, and wants to bring an excellent grade and get another "dose" of pleasure from the praise of parents. He develops an almost narcotic dependence on grades.
The results are dismal:
- Getting a bad grade makes the child upset. If in the class he does not reach the others, instead of euphoria he experiences dysphoria, gradually becomes irritable, lowers his hands and no longer believes in himself.
- Growing up, such a child expects praise from others. But in adulthood there are no school grades and there is no one to praise for general cleaning of the apartment. Everything changes as soon as you graduate from school, college or university.
How do you raise a child without praise?
- Maintain an emotional connection. Rejoice in accomplishments, avoid evaluations. Instead of "Good for you!" say "I'm very happy for you!".
- Do not scold your child if he or she fails at something. Sit down and figure out together what the problem is.
- Forget the word "parenting." Parenting involves a system of checks and balances. Just love your children.
- Don't try to force your child to learn. If he is not interested in the subject, you should not force him to go deeper into the subject than the school program requires.
And, of course, choose the right supplementary education school. Even "boring" subjects will be of interest at Palme School!
The article is based on Dmitry Zitser's article "By evaluating children, we kill their interest".
