Many children have meltdowns in stores or other public places. Some simply cry or yell loudly, while others throw themselves onto the floor in full-blown fits of frustration.
The child is doing everything possible to get that toy or candy they want — and the parents are left blushing with embarrassment. But the reasons behind these tantrums aren’t about lacking toys or treats. The real causes go much deeper.
Why Children Have Tantrums
Young children are pure emotion. Their brains simply aren’t developed enough to regulate impulses and feelings — not until around age twelve. That’s why the urge to get something “right now” can lead to an emotional explosion.
Physical and emotional fatigue can also trigger tantrums. Have you noticed how kids become fussy after a long outing? The same can happen when they’re overstimulated by too much noise, movement, or information. For small children, even a trip to a big supermarket can feel overwhelming.
How to Calm a Child During a Tantrum
The golden rule: don’t respond to emotions with more emotions. When a child is in the middle of a tantrum, their mind is chaos. They’re scared of the intensity of their own feelings and can’t control themselves. What they need most in that moment is your calm — you are their anchor.
Speak to your child softly and calmly. Don’t threaten or forbid. Instead, offer a gentle alternative or redirect their attention. For example, remind them of the snacks waiting at home or talk about fun plans for the evening.
It’s important not to shame or scold your child — and never compare them to “better-behaved” kids. Avoid rewarding tantrums, too. Otherwise, the child will form a mental link: tantrum = getting what I want.
Your actions should be calm but firm. Avoid showing dominance or frustration. Psychologists suggest crouching down to your child’s level — it helps them feel seen and heard.
Don’t rush to calm your child physically. Let them take a moment to regain control on their own. Only after they’ve settled can you offer a hug and praise their self-control. Above all, stay composed — your calm is the key to ending the chaos.
How to Prevent Tantrums
To avoid meltdowns at the store, plan ahead. For instance, create a shopping list together with your child.
Clearly explain what can and cannot be bought. In the store, let them help you find items — it keeps them engaged and too busy to fuss.
Before heading out, talk about the behavior you expect. You can remind your child of the fun things waiting at home afterward. That way, they’ll know they already have something to look forward to and won’t feel the need to demand extra rewards.
Make sure your child is fed and well-rested before you go out. Bad moods and fatigue can ruin an outing — even for adults. Remember, tantrums aren’t acts of defiance or manipulation. Your child isn’t doing it “on purpose.” They’re simply overwhelmed by emotions they don’t yet know how to manage.
Respond with understanding and patience — and show them that, no matter what, you’re there for them.
