Do you remember the Soviet movie directed by Rolan Bykov, "The Scarecrow"? Where all the classmates turned against the new girl and started to "bully" her, as it is fashionable to say nowadays? It seemed unthinkable in the 80's in a Soviet school - bullying at school. In fact, that 40-50 years ago that now, this is a common behavior in the children's collective. Let's find out what psychologists say and how parents should act in case of bullying nowadays.
Why is bullying a hot topic right now?
Just because we didn't know about it before doesn't mean it didn't happen. With the development of the Internet, we have become faster to learn all the news. And what happened five minutes ago can be read on any resource. Especially, school violence is becoming more publicized after pranks - cases when student victims come to school with guns to take revenge on their abusers.
Psychologists have begun to actively discuss the causes of bullying among children, as well as ways to deal with it.
Roles in school bullying
Child specialists note that bullying is closely related to age - it begins in 1st or 2nd grade and ends by the end of high school. Perhaps the psyche matures by this time, or it coincides with the fact that the instigators leave school after 9th grade.
When a conflict starts in a children's group, there are usually three parties involved - the instigator (aka "bully"), the victim, and the observers. The latter can participate indirectly, not clinging to the victim, but also not telling adults about the conflict. In this way, they become complicit in the bullying.
Who is the bullying at school coming from?
There are many reasons why bullying can occur in a community. It can come from either a child or an adult, such as a teacher. Unfortunately, the second option is more difficult to deal with. And here it is absolutely necessary to involve the school administration or change the educational institution.
In the first case - it is necessary to understand how aggressive the instigator is, and, if it causes physical harm to the victim, urgently bring the matter to the teachers and management. If the bullying is moral, you can try to resolve the issue with the child and parents. With this option can find out a lot of interesting things, such as what is going on in the family of the instigator. Perhaps he himself needs psychological help.
But there are cases when a bully is from a well-to-do family, but with inflated self-esteem. An excellent manipulator, he considers himself better than other children in the class and is specifically looking for a victim to unleash his "superiority" on her. All cases should be dealt with separately and, of course, involve not only the instigator, the victim, the teacher, but also observers. So that the other children also realize how negatively their silence affects the child who is being bullied.
What's wrong with a victim of bullying?
This is the way any collective works - people do not like the weak and vulnerable. But if the psyche of an adult allows him to include sympathy or, on the contrary, not to pay attention to the peculiarities of a person, the immature child's psyche works the other way around. If there is a child with aggressor tendencies in the collective, he will definitely show himself in relation to the "different" child.
And the victim may have very minor characteristics that ordinary children would overlook or consider a highlight. For example, the child has recently changed countries and does not speak the language of the country well, or wears glasses, or has a lisp. There's no telling what he or she might have! Buller only needs one detail to catch on, and then - either the potential victim will be able to fight back or not. From a small confrontation can grow a real confrontation, sometimes leading to tragedy.
It is not for nothing that psychologists who deal with school shootings say that the premise has always been bullying. Although classmates and teachers may deny it, what may seem like nothing to observers can torment the victim for years.
How to respond to the victim's parents
First, you need to find out if there is violence against the child at school. Do not hesitate to talk about how the days go, what the child does at recess. Find out who he is friends with, ask who behaves how, whether there are "companies" in the class. By the reaction of the child it will be clear if he withholds something or leaves the topic. It is also necessary to pay attention if the child is often sick and gladly stays at home. Watch his mood, how often he is immersed in himself, whether insomnia torments and so on. Any change of mood in a negative direction should not be left unattended by parents.
So, if a child does share that they are being bullied in class, you need to reassure them and show them that you are there for them. It is important for a child to trust an adult. It is important to know that they will stand up for him and will not be left alone with the problem. After all, it is with such children that tragedy often happens, when parents have no way to get everything back.
Next, it is necessary to collect as complete an anamnesis of the story as possible - where it all began, what other incidents there were, how the offense was inflicted. Once you have a complete picture, you need to inform the class teacher. Perhaps he is already aware of it, just decided not to bring it to the parents. Or took a wait-and-see attitude. If the teacher goes to dialog, together to develop a plan of action. It is not always enough to meet with the parents of the offender; often the teacher's help and a conversation with the whole class is necessary.
Conclusions
Unfortunately, it happens that the school takes the position of an "ostrich", preferring to keep the conflict quiet. If this is really the case, then, most likely, in this collective the child will not feel comfortable and further. Therefore, the best option would be to leave for home schooling or change schools to protect the child from aggression
In our blog you can find interesting articles on pedagogy and child rearing. For example, on the topic of psychology for parents:
- A selection of popular books by psychologists for parents
- 18 new books on neurobiology, psychology, and growing up
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