Sophia Behrs became Leo Tolstoy’s wife at just 18 years old.
From that moment on, her life turned into a series of struggles, sacrifices, and loneliness, reflected in the diaries she kept throughout her marriage.
Early Life of Sophia Tolstaya
The future wife of Leo Tolstoy was born on August 22, 1844, into a noble family. The Bers family had a modest income, and her father was a court physician. Because of this, the family lived in the Moscow Kremlin.
An interesting fact: before marrying Sophia’s mother, her father already had a daughter with Varvara Turgeneva — the mother of writer Ivan Turgenev.
Leo Tolstoy had known his future wife since her birth. After returning from military service in the Caucasus, he was expected to marry Sophia’s elder sister, Liza. But instead, he chose 18-year-old Sophia.
At that time, she learned everything about her future husband’s affairs. Including the fact that he already had a child with a married peasant woman in Yasnaya Polyana. That was where the writer’s estate stood — and where he also built a school for peasants.
After the wedding, the couple moved there. For the rest of her life, Sophia was tormented by jealousy and resentment toward her husband’s illegitimate son and the boy’s mother.
In her diaries, Sophia wrote that life in Yasnaya Polyana was dull. For the first 18 years, she barely left the estate.
Every day, Tolstoy’s wife suffered from boredom and idleness. She meant little to her husband, had no friends, and there were no balls or entertainments nearby. All of this heavily affected her self-esteem. She constantly felt guilty and unwanted by her husband. In her diaries she wrote:
"For Lyova I do not exist. I feel that I am unbearable to him — and now I have only one goal, to leave him in peace and, as much as possible, erase myself from his life."
Over time, Sophia became resigned to her situation and began managing the household, ignoring her husband’s endless criticism.
She often became pregnant and gave birth to 13 children. Five of them died in infancy. Each loss struck her deeply. Sophia frequently fell into depression and felt worse and worse. About her third pregnancy she wrote:
"I think I am pregnant again, and I do not rejoice. Everything frightens me, I look at everything with hostility."
After 20 years of marriage, Leo Tolstoy announced that he was going to leave the family. Sophia could not imagine life without her husband and even wished to fall gravely ill. But soon the couple reconciled.
The older sons increasingly resembled their father in their wild behavior and carousing.
Thoughts of suicide often came to Sophia. Only her care for her daughters and youngest son kept her alive. Sadly, that boy died before reaching the age of seven. Both parents were devastated. They got through this period with the help of composer Sergey Taneyev, who lived with them for several months.
Shortly before his death, Leo Tolstoy suddenly began to take religion seriously and left to visit his sister, who was a nun. On the way back, he developed pneumonia, from which he died in 1910.
Sophia Tolstoy outlived her husband by nine years. Life without him was extremely difficult for her. She died on November 4, 1919. The cause of death was also pneumonia.
The Creative Work of Sophia Tolstoy
Leo Tolstoy’s wife kept diaries during her hardest times, where she poured out her grief. In these notebooks, one can sometimes find notes by the writer himself. At times he apologized for his harshness — only to later cross out those words.
In moments of emotional uplift, Sophia wrote novellas and children’s stories. She chose the pen name “The Weary One.” It reflected her life state all too well.
Soon she began helping with her husband’s writing. She translated, copied, and edited his manuscripts. She delivered documents, managed estates, and handled many of her husband’s outside affairs.
She often felt that Leo Tolstoy merely tolerated her, despite all her help. Over time, the writer stopped trusting her and even began hiding his manuscripts.
After his death, Sophia continued to publish his diaries, works, and their letters. She also prepared her own diaries for publication. She prefaced them with these words:
“…Let people show indulgence to the one who, perhaps, from her earliest years bore upon her frail shoulders the heavy burden of being the wife of a genius and a great man.”
Sophia Tolstoy felt lonely all her life. She understood that being the wife of a genius was a heavy burden — and she bore it with endurance.
