Why Do Kids Always Want What's Bad for Them? Understanding Children's "I Want"

Every parent knows that giving a child complete freedom is a bad idea. The moment you allow them to do whatever they want, they’ll end up eating only chips and playing video games all day instead of studying. 

But why is that? Why do kids often crave what’s harmful instead of what’s good for them?

How the Child's Brain Works

Up until around age 12, the prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for self-control and planning — is still developing. A child’s brain simply isn’t able to hold long-term goals, delay gratification, or regulate impulses the same way an adult’s can. We’ve talked about this in more detail before.

That’s why children tend to choose the easier option. And let’s face it — resting is easier than studying, and junk food tastes better than healthy meals when you’re a kid. 

It’s much simpler for a child to get a dopamine hit from sweets, cartoons, or quick games than from achieving a “hard” goal. But does that mean we should just let kids do whatever makes them happy?

What to Do With "I Want"?

Kids are incredibly emotional. They don’t yet have the capacity to manage their feelings the way adults can. 

Most of their “I want” moments are impulsive emotional reactions. Without adult support, children can’t fully understand what’s happening in their nervous system. 

In the moment, a child may genuinely believe they need that teddy bear or bag of chips to survive. It feels absolutely real to them. But five minutes later, once distracted, they forget the very thing they were desperate for. 

It’s up to parents to help kids figure out whether what they want is a genuine need or just an emotional impulse. That’s the only way children can learn self-regulation—one of the most crucial life skills for long-term success. 

Many modern parents aim to raise children with minimal restrictions. They don’t force them to eat vegetables, they allow hours of screen time, and they try to avoid conflict. But is that really the right approach?

Of course, raising a child solely through rules and bans isn’t the answer either. The key is to explain how the brain works and where those cravings for unhealthy things come from.

Children raised in open, trusting relationships with their parents tend to figure out on their own what’s good for them and what’s not. They gradually develop emotional self-control. And because of that, they’re much more likely to thrive in life.