You’ve just wrapped up a major work project. Your coworkers are impressed, your boss praises your contribution in a meeting, and you even get a bonus. How do you feel? Energized? Motivated to do even more? That’s the effect of a success moment.
It works the same way with kids. When a child finally understands a tricky topic at school, gets a good grade after a string of bad ones, hears praise from a teacher, or sees admiration in their classmates’ eyes — it lights a spark. They feel inspired to keep going, to try harder, to aim higher.
What is a “success moment”?
Success is when the outcome of our efforts matches or exceeds our expectations. A success moment is the set of conditions that make that positive outcome possible.
When a child experiences a moment of success, it gives them an emotional boost — like they’ve grown wings. Suddenly, things feel easier, more interesting, and they’re eager to take on the next challenge.
What happens when a child keeps struggling?
On the flip side, there's the failure moment. Constant setbacks can frustrate and discourage a child. They begin to doubt themselves, see no point in trying, and may give up altogether. Even simple tasks that used to come naturally can start to feel impossible. Without the sense of progress or achievement, their motivation fades.
Getting stuck in failure can be a tough cycle to break—and that’s when parental support becomes essential.
How to help a child experience success
- Lower the bar when needed. If your child has been struggling for a while, offer them an easier task—maybe even something you know they’ll find too easy. That’s okay. The goal is to help them feel what success looks like again.
- Celebrate small wins. Even tiny achievements deserve genuine praise. Let your child be in a space where no one expects more than what they can give right now.
- Show confidence in their ability. Say things like, “I know you can do this—you’ve handled stuff like this before,” or “I believe in you, no doubt about it.” These words are powerful.
- Guide, don’t instruct. Instead of giving step-by-step directions, offer suggestions or ask questions. Let your child figure out a solution on their own—it builds confidence.
- Remind them of the why. Help them reconnect with the purpose of the task and the reward waiting at the end.
- Highlight their uniqueness. For example, say “You’re one of the few people I know who could pull this off.”
- Point out a specific strength. Try something like, “What I loved most was how confident you were while explaining that.”
The well-known American psychologist, educator, and therapist William Glasser believed that when a child finds success in learning, they’re building the foundation for lifelong success.
